Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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