In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
