i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
