if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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