can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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