so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
