Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
