i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We need to get me chipped asap
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
