so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
