sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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