He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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