I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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