You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
