she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
