my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
