I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
