bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I could fuck to npr.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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