morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
