Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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