you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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