the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
