I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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