I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
