The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Couch. On fire.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
