I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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