Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
