What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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