Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
