so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He did a backflip because drugs
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
