I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
