Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
