What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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