so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
