absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
