so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
