And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
