i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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