Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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