Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
