my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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