I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Alive.
So much puke
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
