we made out on top of his cat.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
