Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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