God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
