i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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