I'm really into asian looking animals
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
