get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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