He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's always time for handjobs
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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