Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
