cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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