dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
