I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dicks are not precious.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
