Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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