Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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